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Captain's log, stardate 0706-1953

Base, this is the Captain, over. I discovered three stowaways on the board the spaceship today during a routine check. They were all in a fucking simulator, so I took firm and unrelenting action. I handcuffed them and initiated a cross-examination with my dick. I fucked their throats, stretched their cunts hard, and sucked one of them dry. As an exemplary punishment, all three intruders received a massive dose of hot cum right on their faces. I then locked them in a special cell in the Fucknet. I'm in charge here! Captain, out.

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Captain's log, stardate 1103-18

Olympic Games in Deep Space? Why not. I just found out that anything is possible with the Fucknet sex simulator. A beautiful virtual athlete with a perfect figure knelt in the starting blocks. To start, prepare, attention and fuck! I thrust my relay pin into her mouth and shuffled it through the light to the finish line. That was my personal record. All time, the ANNA 9000 has been cheered on by me. Olympic champion aka Captain. The end.

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Captain's log, star date 0625-1876

Control base, today the Great Manitou himself spoke to me and sent me a gift, a beautiful young Indian woman. She first showed me that Native Americans give the best blowjobs in the world, and then I fucked her like a prisoner of war. Her tight pussy flowed with bliss as I fuck her with my hard arrow. The beauty turned out to be the real daughter of a Standing Cock shaman. She danced a ritual dance to summon golden rain and pissed on her father's sacred drum. That was a mess! Then the ANNA 9000 artificial intelligence turned off the simulator and I went back to service. Captain, Howgh!

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John, our favorite sweaty dude, was just minding his business—slurping hot soup and watching his favorite porn on TV—when BAM! The soup fought back, leaving him with a fresh burn and a bruised ego. But John ain't got time for whining. He wiped his mouth, scratched his belly, and did what any true country boy would—he went hunting. Not for deer. For women.

He stumbled upon a fine-looking busty brunette online and decided she needed to be his. He called her up, and before he could look around, she was on her way. Being the classy gentleman he is, before she came, John did some half-assed cleaning—kicked some dirty socks under the couch, sprayed air freshener, and called it "good enough."

When Sandra strutted in, John felt his excitement take his breath away. She was way out of his league, and he knew it. Massive tits and cleavage so deep he could lose his gaming controller in it—along with the last remaining bits of your sanity. His eyes were glued to her like barbecue sauce on ribs. Meanwhile, Sandra, clearly a professional, stayed cool, counted her money like a boss, and got ready to handle business.

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It's getting really hard to keep up and test all those girflriends, fiancées and wives. I really don't have enough time to react to the hundreds of e-mails I'm getting. But, believe me, I'm trying my best! To meet with the next suicidal maniac who decided to probe the foundations of his long-term relationship, I had to travel all the way to Kamencove Lake near Chomutov. This guy named Jirka was having a great time with his girl Kristyna - a camping holiday in a cosy tent near the lake. until he decided to spice things up with a fidelity test. We agreed on the plan, Jirka left and I went to see Kristyna in their tent. She sure was a looker! A beautiful girl with big cute eyes.

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Rock festivals are all about party and fucking orgies. Pussies are getting wet and wild. Faithful love is so phony nobody gives a damn about it. This whole place is about casual sex. The scent of fucking is wafting from the tent village. I came across a couple fucking behind one tent. I sneaked up on them as close as I could and bathed in the heady delight of snooping. Casual sex in the midst of raving crowds. Top secret!